At first I didn’t see the Dead Forest, I just felt my presence there. I didn’t know how to get there, I would just be there when I was triggered. Everything was dry kindling. It easily burst into flame, and I would feel anger, rage. It rarely happened, but when it did, I didn’t feel like myself. I felt out of control. It was a place I wanted to avoid.

The last time I felt myself there, I stopped and looked around. I tried to understand where I was. I saw the ground littered with dry, broken wood. The trees were just skeletons. This used to be beautiful, green and lush. It had been a sacred place. And the reason I felt so angry was because someone did this. Someone was to blame for this desecration. My anger grew and the Dead Forest burst into flame again. The pain was crippling.

My island friends started to gather around me. Omni said, “It’s not really dead…” but Kate cut her off and said, “It’s dead through her eyes.” They let me stand there feeling sorry for myself for a while. But Omni’s words sunk in. I knew it was true. This place wasn’t actually dead, it was where I put my feelings of disappointment and resentment, not knowing how to face them. I had been blaming it on other people, but this scar on my island was created by me.

Having my friends’ compassion and taking responsibility gave me hope. I picked up a piece of wood from the ground and it turned into dust as I tossed it away. I picked up another and it also turned to dust. I suppose I could keep doing this over the next months, maybe years, until I had cleaned the place up…

But then it started to rain. We ducked under the cover of some palm trees and watched the rain dissolve the Dead Forest. It rained for most of the night, and turned it all to mud.

Early the next morning, we planted some raspberry bushes, then some blueberry bushes and strawberry plants. Everything grew like Jack’s bean stock. Wild blackberries started to twine their way through. By the time the sun was overhead, the Berry Farm was complete.

Lessons learned:

• Self-pity can create and prolong pain.
• There are no “dead” areas on my island.
• No one can hurt my island.
• There is nothing here that I can’t fix.

My new Berry Farm can handle the occasional rufflings that used to trigger me. It is resilient and a little prickly, but super sweet.